ALOHA JACQUELINE

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    ALOHA JACQUELINE

    • About
    • Music 
      • Hire Me
      • My Songs
      • Improv Project
      • Music Videos
      • Music Medicine Playlists
    • Meditations
    • Poetry 
      • My Poetry
      • Soul Poetry Cafe
    • Work With Me 
      • Hire Me to Sing
      • Soul Sessions
      • Business Coaching
      • All Offerings
    • Events
    • Blog
    • …  
      • About
      • Music 
        • Hire Me
        • My Songs
        • Improv Project
        • Music Videos
        • Music Medicine Playlists
      • Meditations
      • Poetry 
        • My Poetry
        • Soul Poetry Cafe
      • Work With Me 
        • Hire Me to Sing
        • Soul Sessions
        • Business Coaching
        • All Offerings
      • Events
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      ALOHA JACQUELINE

      I died today

      A poem of transformation by Aloha Jacqueline

      · Poetry,Soul Poetry

      I died today

      again

      I've been dying alot recently

      You may be confused

      By this revelation

      But it's the truth

      All I can say is this

      Who I was

      No longer exists

      Who you knew me to be

      Is gone.

      And it's ok to grieve that

      I know I have

      I've cried many tears

      And screamed many screams.

      I tried desperately to hold onto her

      She was all I knew

      I tried to pep talk her

      I tried to drag her around with me

      To positivize life and her losses

      I tried everything to bring her back.

      I talked to coaches

      And counselors

      Energy Workers

      And Psychics

      I did meditations

      I went on retreats

      I journaled

      I traveled

      I danced

      I drummed

      I sang.

      But it was time for her to go

      She wanted to go

      Do you know how scary it is?

      To watch yourself leave?

      To feel parts of yourself die?

      Yet,

      Strangely

      There was freedom

      In feeling the relief

      The weight off your shoulders

      Until the next part needed to go

      To die

      To transform

      Who am I now?

      I really don't know.

      But please don't expect me

      To be the way I was

      Please don't expect me to

      Behave as I used to

      To do or like the things I used to

      Please don't ask me too many questions

      Because I don't know the answers

      I'm discovering who I am now

      I'm creating and deciding

      My values and goals

      I'm getting clear on my needs

      And letting go of the old beliefs

      Moving on from ideas that were hurting me:

      Like that "I am responsible for meetings others needs,"

      When I can really only take care of me.

      All the saving of others I was (trying) doing for years

      Was really a call to save myself

      And in the end,

      I couldn't save her

      I had to let her go

      And give her permission to

      To tell her it was ok.

      Because in the end

      That's what she wanted and needed to do.

      So who you see now

      May look like her

      May sound like her

      But I'm not her.

      I'm something fresh

      I'm something new

      I'm starting again

      New relationships

      To people

      To food

      To the environment

      To life.

      No more constructs

      No more advice from authorities

      No more limiting beliefs

      No more expectations

      No more opinions

      No more toxic shame

      No more needless guilt.

      And finally allowing myself

      To feel ALL my feelings

      Especially the ones I've been hiding for

      The sadness

      The pain

      The frustration

      The fear

      Until all the repression

      Became depression.

      So this is new me

      And I need time

      I need space

      I need freedom

      I need understanding

      I need acceptance

      I need respect

      I need compassion

      I need love without expectations

      And the person to meet these needs are me

      But I'm sharing these needs with you

      So you can know how I feel

      And what I need

      And it's ok 

      If you don't understand

      But please understand 

      I'm different.

      Written 10 November 2017

      by Aloha Jacqueline

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