ALOHA JACQUELINE

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    • About
    • Meditations
    • Music 
      • Improv Project
      • My Songs
      • Music Videos
      • Music Medicine Playlists
    • Soul Poetry Cafe
    • Work With Me 
      • All Offerings
      • Gene Keys Guidance
      • Soul Sessions
      • Coaching
      • Hire Me to Sing
Contact

ALOHA JACQUELINE

  • About
  • Meditations
  • Music 
    • Improv Project
    • My Songs
    • Music Videos
    • Music Medicine Playlists
  • Soul Poetry Cafe
  • Work With Me 
    • All Offerings
    • Gene Keys Guidance
    • Soul Sessions
    • Coaching
    • Hire Me to Sing
  • …  
    • About
    • Meditations
    • Music 
      • Improv Project
      • My Songs
      • Music Videos
      • Music Medicine Playlists
    • Soul Poetry Cafe
    • Work With Me 
      • All Offerings
      • Gene Keys Guidance
      • Soul Sessions
      • Coaching
      • Hire Me to Sing
Contact

ALOHA JACQUELINE

I died today

A poem of transformation by Aloha Jacqueline

· Poetry,Soul Poetry

I died today

again

I've been dying alot recently

You may be confused

By this revelation

But it's the truth

All I can say is this

Who I was

No longer exists

Who you knew me to be

Is gone.

And it's ok to grieve that

I know I have

I've cried many tears

And screamed many screams.

I tried desperately to hold onto her

She was all I knew

I tried to pep talk her

I tried to drag her around with me

To positivize life and her losses

I tried everything to bring her back.

I talked to coaches

And counselors

Energy Workers

And Psychics

I did meditations

I went on retreats

I journaled

I traveled

I danced

I drummed

I sang.

But it was time for her to go

She wanted to go

Do you know how scary it is?

To watch yourself leave?

To feel parts of yourself die?

Yet,

Strangely

There was freedom

In feeling the relief

The weight off your shoulders

Until the next part needed to go

To die

To transform

Who am I now?

I really don't know.

But please don't expect me

To be the way I was

Please don't expect me to

Behave as I used to

To do or like the things I used to

Please don't ask me too many questions

Because I don't know the answers

I'm discovering who I am now

I'm creating and deciding

My values and goals

I'm getting clear on my needs

And letting go of the old beliefs

Moving on from ideas that were hurting me:

Like that "I am responsible for meetings others needs,"

When I can really only take care of me.

All the saving of others I was (trying) doing for years

Was really a call to save myself

And in the end,

I couldn't save her

I had to let her go

And give her permission to

To tell her it was ok.

Because in the end

That's what she wanted and needed to do.

So who you see now

May look like her

May sound like her

But I'm not her.

I'm something fresh

I'm something new

I'm starting again

New relationships

To people

To food

To the environment

To life.

No more constructs

No more advice from authorities

No more limiting beliefs

No more expectations

No more opinions

No more toxic shame

No more needless guilt.

And finally allowing myself

To feel ALL my feelings

Especially the ones I've been hiding for

The sadness

The pain

The frustration

The fear

Until all the repression

Became depression.

So this is new me

And I need time

I need space

I need freedom

I need understanding

I need acceptance

I need respect

I need compassion

I need love without expectations

And the person to meet these needs are me

But I'm sharing these needs with you

So you can know how I feel

And what I need

And it's ok 

If you don't understand

But please understand 

I'm different.

Written 10 November 2017

by Aloha Jacqueline

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